Ever catch yourself wondering if your life is really what you signed up for?
When all of your want-to’s and have-to’s keep piling up + at the end of the day you're too worn out to even enjoy the few minutes you give yourself to veg out before bed?
...Its kind of like when you go to Target + don't grab a cart, and suddenly you’re balancing toilet paper and OJ and the facewash you ran out of, while trying not to drop the box of wine + 3 cans of Spaghettios…
And its clear something's gonna fall before you get to the register…
But you’re not sure what to let go of.
And you kinda want someone to come tell you it's ok, your kid won’t ACTUALLY DIE if you let go of the Spaghettios 🫠 (or better yet, can SOMEONE PLEASE CARRY THIS FOR ME?!?) but no one does… so you just keep shuffling with your too-full arms, hoping you'll make it.
The women I work with express a similar sense of pressure ⬆⬆ --they're trying to balance too many things-- and the pressure grows until it's an overwhelming, anxiety-infusing presence they can’t get away from.
Despite this, they struggle to do anything differently, because they want to meet the expectations of their boss, their partner, their family + keep everyone happy. Deep down, they don’t believe that anyone would be “on board” to relieve some of their burden.
For them, making a real life change feels out of reach.
Maybe it feels this way for you, also? Like change is an exclusive club, and you didn't get the secret password.
In this blog post, I’m going to help you confidently take steps towards making the changes you need to feel more supported + less stressed. I want you to start believing that a different way is possible, and that not only is it within your reach–it's INEVITABLE once you set the wheels in motion.
I’m going to cover:
- Why advocating for yourself is the key to unlocking the life you want
- The questions you can answer RIGHT NOW to figure out where to start
- The four self belief skills that will get you taking action (and how to grow them!)
- Your next steps to bring your goals from your imagination to your actual life
Ready? Let's dive in, starting with this truth:
You are the only one who can make the changes you need.
Sounds obvious, but if you dig deep, you’ll probably find lurking beliefs that you need to meet everyone’s expectations + you need someone's permission or approval to change the status quo.
And when those are your beliefs, you hesitate to do anything that would rock the boat (even if it's what will keep your side from sinking). …You’ve been waiting for someone to throw you a life preserver, but what you need is to inflate your own lifeboat. (too many sea metaphors?!)
And listen, it's not your fault if you struggle to advocate for what you need.
This is a challenge for SO MANY WOMEN, who learned from a young age that it's best to be nice + agreeable, that asking for what you need is “selfish,” and that other people’s needs are more important than yours. (I’ve struggled with this, too→I’ll share more about it below).
RELATED POST: What to do when you struggle with people pleasing
It's ok if this is your starting point–but it doesn’t have to be your end point.
What if you could flip the script + confidently make changes that support the life you want instead of supporting your future burnout?
It's definitely possible–my client Casey was able to turn her whole career around.
Casey is an elementary music teacher, who was so overwhelmed at work that she felt major anxiety before, during + after class. She felt like she was failing--her kids would come into class fighting with one another and they didn’t even have chairs! 😯
She dreamed of getting a new job, but didn’t think that was a realistic option. Casey felt stuck.
Here’s what Casey did to decrease her stress + create a better work environment
In coaching sessions, Casey realized that her fears of being labeled as difficult or incompetent held her back from asking for help. She KNEW couldn’t continue teaching if something didn’t change. She summoned her courage and asked for in-classroom support staff (she got it!).
This small step encouraged her to continue speaking up for herself at work. Ultimately, Casey realized this system couldn’t provide what she needed and she began to apply for other positions (exactly what she thought she would never be able to do!).
Now, Casey is in a job she loves in a school with a more supportive work environment, and she has begun to advocate for herself in other areas of her life, creating positive changes across the board!
Casey’s story isn't a one-off or a fairy tale. It's the real-life transformation that can happen when you decide to bravely take a small step forward.
Your situation might look different than Casey's, but the concepts I used with her apply to you as well. We’ll start by following a framework to figure out which area of your life to focus on + how to choose your first step. This will give you the clarity you need to move forward.
Envision Your Future
Crack open a notebook or start a fresh Google Doc --we're going to do a little journaling. (Or download the workbook version of this blog here) You might be tempted to just scroll + think about the answers, but writing is important– it's harder to hide from your thoughts and avoid your emotions when you are writing.
- WHAT'S YOUR WHY? Understanding your why ensures that your end goal solves the right problem. Why are you ready to finally get started? What are you hoping to gain from reading this blog post?
- WHAT'S NOT WORKING? Start by playing detective in the story of your life: what's causing those eye-rolling moments, the sighs, the "not this again" scenarios? These are the clues that will lead you to the areas that need change. What, specifically, is causing the stress in your day-to-day?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT? Now, let's reverse it: What's your ideal scenario? If your job, family, etc. was functioning the way you’d like–what would be different? How would you feel? What would you be doing more of? Less of?
- PICK ONE. Don’t be tempted to change all of these things at once. That's just another recipe for the overwhelm that you’re already familiar with. Start by choosing ONE THING on your list that would bring relief if it changed today.
- IDENTIFY YOUR BARE MINIMUM, PERFECTION + MIDDLE GROUND OPTIONS: Perfection is the change you REALLY want, in an ideal world. Your minimum is the smallest, most achievable version of your goal--something that feels like a win, even if it's only a tiny change. The middle ground lies somewhere between the two.
Example: you're overwhelmed with meal prep + cooking, but you’re the only one available to do it. You decide that perfection means having a meal service in place to remove this task from your to-do list. Your minimum is letting go of the expectation of home-cooked meals for a while– without feeling guilty about it. And the middle ground is stocking up on deli + refrigerator-ready options so you can quickly throw an easy, semi-homemade dinner together after work.
- CHOOSE ONE. To you, all of these options are better than your current baseline + should feel like a win. Which one will you choose? What's the first step you will need to take to make it happen?
**Its tempting to try to think far into the future + make ALL THE PLANS, but this tends to cause people to get stuck in "what ifs" and feelings of overwhelm. Instead, just think about the FIRST thing you will need to do to reach that goal.
psst! 📌 so you don't lose the prompts!
….At this point, you may be thinking, “this is all well and good, Alison, but if I felt like I could actually take that first step I would have done it already.” Which is a fair point. Let's talk about it.
Your Secret Weapon: Believing in Yourself
When my clients feel chronically overwhelmed + unsupported, struggling to make they changes they need, I focus on helping them develop belief in themselves.
Self belief is the engine that empowers you into action.
Here are the key self belief qualities that you need:
- SELF WORTH: This is recognizing your inherent value as a person. Believing that your worth is not based on what you do (or don’t do) but who you are. You are valuable and you have worth. Do you believe you have inherent value? How would you score your belief of your worth on a scale of 1-10?
- SELF CONFIDENCE: Self confidence is rocking the belief that you've got what it takes to make things happen. Its feeling your knees knock + doing the dang thing anyway, because you believe in your ability to figure it out + handle any outcome. How's your self confidence doing these days?
- TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: You're not a passenger; you're the driver. Taking responsibility means saying, "I'm in charge," and steering your metaphorical car toward the life you want, instead of sitting passively and watching the world fly by. No more letting others make your decisions for you, you’re taking the wheel. What do you need to take responsibility for?
- GROWTH MINDSET: Someone with a fixed mindset doesn't believe they can grow or change–they feel “stuck” in this current version of themselves. A fixed mindset says, "I can't," but a growth mindset thinks, "I can learn," or “I can try.” With a growth mindset, you’ll continue to learn + grow + try new things. What growth mindset do you need today?
Making these four concepts your own is gonna be your secret sauce for getting started on your goal. A great way to develop these skills is through reflection + journaling, using the prompts in this blog to check in with yourself on a daily basis.
Let's get back to that doc you’ve started + explore them together.
Self Belief Boosters
In order to get started on self belief, you’ll first have to side-step through your self doubt–really get honest here so you know what you’re working with.
- WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Return to that first step you decided to take. Imagine yourself actually doing what you wrote. Now, listen to the voice that causes anxiety + incites a flurry of “can’ts” into your mind. What is that voice saying? Write it down on a fresh piece of paper.
**I call the messages of your inner voice “objections,” and likely, you’ll be hearing all sorts of them: “so-and-so’s gonna be unhappy with your decision”, “you’re gonna fail fail + screw this up”, “you don’t have time or money to ‘waste’ on this”, etc.
Write it ALLLL down and take a hard look-- what are real issues and what are just fears or stories you're telling yourself?
Put aside your list of objections (throw it away if you want!)
- BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF: Writing out your objections may have brought an anxiety surge. Keeping in mind how those statements made you feel, what do you need to believe about yourself to get started?
For example, maybe you need to believe that you’re brave, or that your opinions matter. Maybe you need a reminder that it's ok to take a break. Write thoughts you need to think about yourself or feelings you want to feel as if you already believe them. Ex: ”I’m brave and loving” or “My needs matter and I deserve to be heard” “I am not in control of other people’s responses, but I am in control of me.” “My happiness is important.”
- YOUR STRONGEST SUPPORTER: Imagine someone in your life, past or present, who has loved + championed you. Someone who had your back + built you up, encouraging you + offering wisdom.
Pretend you are with that person, and talk to them about the changes you want to make, as well as your fears + doubts. What encouragement + wisdom would they offer you?
- REVISIT THE PAST: Remind yourself of a time you displayed the qualities you wrote about in the “beliefs about yourself” answer. Ex: when did you act like your needs matter or when were you brave + loving? What did that feel like? What propelled you? How will you channel this magic now?
- WHAT IS THE BEST THAT COULD HAPPEN?: While you’re so busy focusing on the voices of fear + self doubt, hope has gone missing. Let's examine all of the good things that could come from this change.
THINK BIG. Imagine the good that would ripple into other areas of your life when you make this change. How will it affect how you feel, how you act? How will it affect your work or family, etc.? What are the large-scale effects of this change?
- MAKE AN AWESOME LIST: Finally, reflect on the awesomeness that makes you YOU. What do you love about yourself? What are you especially good at? How do you shine? Keep this list where you can see it to remind yourself of why you’re amazing + should keep going when you’re struggling with your self worth, belief and confidence.
Lets put it all together on a fresh piece of paper (or get your own copy when you download your free workbook)
Put this note somewhere you will see it. If your confidence wavers, review what you wrote. Continue to remind yourself of what you believe (and want to believe!) about yourself. Put up post-its and send yourself email reminders ;) You’ve got this.
…But maybe you don’t believe me? At this point, you may be wondering…
What if you never feel confident enough to get started?
I definitely get you on this one→ I’ve felt that way, too. In fact, I spent YEARS waiting for the confidence to transition from stay at home mom to life coach–and I kinda wanted my husband to give me permission to make that leap.
…I really thought a magical day would arrive when I would no longer be paralyzed by self doubt + my worries about what others think, and I’d be so gosh dang confident that it would be SO EASY to get started (wouldn’t that be great!?)
What I learned was that confidence comes from DOING. Planning + thinking about the future were no match for the confidence I gained through action. Each step I took created more confidence.
Confidence is moving forward DESPITE fear, anxiety, “what ifs” + BELIEVING that if the people talk, if your first attempt fails, if you look like you don’t know what you’re doing—
You can handle it. You’ll figure it out. The reward of doing it is worth the risk.
So if you don't feel confident (yet)-- you've still got this. You don't need to feel ready to just get started.
Now, here's where the magic happens:
Action! Take that first leap! Do what you said you would do. Every tiny step you take toward your goals is a self-belief milestone.
And remember: the decision to take action DESPITE swirling uncertainty + anxiety deserves some recognition. Make sure you celebrate yourself for doing a hard thing + surviving + all the guts it took. Its actually pretty awesome– YOU’RE PRETTY AWESOME.
💫Helping you get started is one of the ways a coach will support you–they’ll hold you accountable, help you overcome those mental objections, encourage you to take each new step + celebrate you when you do. →This is part of the role I take when I work with clients to help them create a life they want to live.
I know you’re tired of having to manage all the things
I know you wish you could forge a new path so you can spend more time enjoying all the good life has to offer–AND you want to believe in what can happen when you focus on what you really need + make intentional, courageous choices.
Remember: the solutions are within your reach, but they have to start with you.
Yes, YOU CAN admit what’s not working, stand up for the life you want + create the changes you need…even if you have to go scared.
Casey's transformation from an overwhelmed teacher to a determined self-advocate is proof that real-life change is possible–and not just for her, but for ALL OF US.
So, as you imagine the possibilities, remember to start small + to keep your changes from being overwhelming. As you grow your self belief, you’ll propel yourself further down that road towards your goal, developing your confidence with each step you make.
And if you’re really ready to improve your life (getting rid of the overwhelm + the feeling that you are backed into a corner with no viable options), I have a perfect next step for you:
Inside this workbook, you’ll receive all of this post’s writing prompts, so you will have everything you need to plan your next step, boost your self belief + confidence + MAKE THAT CHANGE.
Also included are bonus pages to plan your next action, celebrate your wins, + evaluate what didn’t work so well, 3 pages of journal prompts + a confidence inspiring printable.
Don’t miss this chance to engage in some real self care–the kind that actually fixes your problems. Your confident era is just a download away.
you've totally got this
--alison
meet alison!
Alison Speerbrecker is a Minnesota native desperately happy to have moved away from the frozen north + into the lovely Virginia Beach area. She's a mom of 5 vibrant (nice way of saying CHALLENGING) kiddos, has a dog that sheds too much + is encroaching on her 20 year wedding anniversary. She got married as a baby, folks 😉
Alison combines her Enneagram Certification, Life Coach Training, Clinical Social Work background + life experience to work with women + help them get unstuck + change their lives. Which is the best. Learn more about Alison here.
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