While many coaches have a therapy background (like me!), therapy mainly focuses on processing your emotions + coping with things that have happened as well as discovering new ways of thinking and responding to situations.

As you dive into the Enneagram, you'll notice that each Enneagram type has certain patterns of behavior that occur as a response to their triggers (see above).

Understanding your Enneagram patterns will help you see them happen in real time, so you can begin to prevent them from happening, and escape the pattern once it's triggered.

I have created guides to each Enneagram Type's patterns that you can download for free here.

There are 3 main Enneagram conflict styles and understanding your style (and the style of your partner!) can help you understand why conflict situations can be so sticky for you:

COMPETENT OUTLOOK, TYPES, 1, 3, 5-- They tend to focus more on the facts, seeing the "right" solution, and excluding emotional data. They will try to pinpoint what went wrong + attempt to correct it.

POSITIVE OUTLOOK, TYPES 2, 7, 9-- Are more likely to see a bright side during a conflict or have the ability to spin a situation into something positive. They can be guilty of denying a problem even exists or find it hard to talk about a problem.

REACTIVE OUTLOOK, TYPES 4, 6, 8-- Can have strong reactions when faced with conflict, disapointment + upsetting situations. They tend to have a quick, emotional response, possibly oversized to the situation.

We also find 3 groupings that explain how your type relates to others. This is important to note, as it might help explain some of the struggles you experience in your relationships. As you can see, the three styles are very different from one another:

ASSERTIVE, TYPES 3, 7, 8-- These types are interested in asserting their power and influence into any situation or conversation they are a part of. They can be direct + clearly communicate their wants + needs, at times dominating others or neglecting emotions that might "get in the way" of getting what they want.

DUTIFUL, TYPES 1, 2, 6-- These types are more likely to desire to be of service, to move toward others and go along with what they perceive as the needs and wants of other people. They might feel more obligated to attend to what needs to be done before doing what they want to do.

WITHDRAWN, TYPES 4, 5, 9-- These types tend to use the technique of avoiding or withdrawing from situations that cause stress. They might disappear emotionally, or physically (leaving a room) and others get a sense that they have pulled back from a situation or relationship.

As you may have noticed, the Enneagram is quick to point out our weaknesses, which we can use to fuel growth. But don't fear, its not all bad news. The Enneagram also shows us where we shine + how we can make a difference in the world. Here are some examples by type:

1: Good at seeing what needs to be done + doing it. A hard worker.

2: Loves to help, love and encourage others. Lift people up when needed.

3. Great at making a plan and executing it successfully. An asset to teams.

4. Brings creativity, authenticity + empathy to their sphere of influence.

5. Has a detailed understanding of the areas of their expertise + uses this knowledge skillfully.

6. They are trustworthy + reliable, a great friend and worker to have in your corner.

7. Amazing at seeing new possibilities and getting everyone excited and on board for them.

8. Takes charge + leads the way, willing to step up + do the hard stuff others are afraid to do.

9. Able to keep the peace and mediate between sides to keep everyone happy.